I haven't kept a detailed chronicle of the medical mystery I've been going through for over three months, but as we approach our next trip to the Cleveland Clinic (the trip is next week! I never thought it would get here because it's been scheduled since February but it is now within my line of sight!) God has been working on me in ways that I have never, up until recently, felt so powerfully.
I've told everyone I've talked to the past few weeks that God has blessed me with that peace that passes understanding in regards to the still-uncertain medical situation. And the reason I use that particular phrase (peace that passes understanding) is because it literally transcends not only explanation but also understanding. I realize that anyone from the outside looking in would have justifiable cause to say, "How on earth can you say you are at peace right now? You've gone through [this] and [this] and [this] and still have no definitive answers! Why are you not completely stressing out?!"
And to tell you the truth, even in the past few weeks (the weeks in which I've felt this transcendent peace), there HAVE been moments I've wanted to just scream or cry or throw something against the wall or smash something to little bits....you get the picture. However, I'm continually being made aware that there is another blessing in the blessing of the peace itself.
I spend a lot of time home alone during the day because Rog is at work and I can't drive right now, and even if I could drive there's not much I can do, if anything, without getting ridiculously flummoxed. So I have had an abundance of time to just sit here at home "alone" with God. So what have I spent a lot of time doing? PRAYING.
I pray the occasional prayer for myself, but almost all of my prayers are being said for people who have either come to me with specific requests, people that God "randomly" lays on my heart during a prayer session, people that I've heard have needs even if they haven't specifically asked for payer, and people I know (as well as people I don't know) who are lost and need prayer for their salvation.
If you've never gotten down on your face and had a full-blown prayer and praise session where it's just you and God, I urge you to try it, if physically possible. I have felt the power of Jesus working through me so much and I will tell you this--that feeling is unparalleled. I find myself just wanting to praise Him more and more every day, and I find myself yearning for those moments when I am able to lift not only my needs, but the needs of countless others up to God.
Because God (the G-man, as I like to call Him sometimes) is truly capable of giving us that peace I mentioned that transcends any rationale that forms in our human minds. And brothers and sisters, I'm pretty confident that if you feel that peace at any point, God is not only blessing you with it because you need it (even though there are times we ALL need it!), but He's giving you that blessing as an opportunity to free your mind from the fixation on your trials and focus your mind on lifting others up who are also going through rough times.