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Friday, March 29, 2013

Broken People

Good Friday, everyone!

I'm going to get right into this post, so if you don't want to read something that is intended to be deep but might just end up rambling.  But it's Good Friday, so it may be something to inspire introspection.

So today's topic as designated in the title: Broken people.

How many of you have ever felt like a broken person?  If you are honest with yourself you probably hear your mind screaming at you, "Me! I've felt broken! I'm broken right now! I was broken last week! I have been broken for longer than I can remember!" but most of us leave that inner monologue where it takes place--in our minds--and don't share the burden with others.

The past few months have been rough for me.  Heck, in some ways, the past decade has been one heckuva roller coaster.  Outside of the typical issues (Including but not limited to my eating disorder, OCD, severe anxiety, and juvenile idiopathic arthritis) I've had an onslaught of symptoms that have led to a myriad of doctors and traveling and medical mysteriousness.

During these past few months, several times my gut reaction has been to get angry or frustrated or start screaming and crying and asking God, "Why me? Why do you let this happen to me? WHY? WHY?"  But the past three or four weeks, once I was able to physically get back to church, I have come to a new level of  reflection and appreciation and humbleness for Jesus' death and resurrection and exactly how it relates to our human struggles.

When you look at Isaiah, chapter 52, where the prophet predicts the crucifixion and resurrection of the Son of God, and when you see verse 14, you will find that it says:

Just as there were many who were appalled at him—his appearance was so disfigured beyond that of any human being and his form marred beyond human likeness (NIV)

Just take a minute to let that sink in.  This was how Jesus, the Son of God, our Lord and Savior, spent the hours leading up to His crucifixion.  He was broken beyond human likeness.  Another translation says he was marred beyond recognition.  His body was so broken--so much that we can't even begin to comprehend it with our human minds.  And then think of the significance of the Last Supper--Jesus breaking the Bread of Life--His body.  This isn't just a regular little analogy that someone comes up with when writing a book or story or poem.  Jesus, KNOWING THAT HE WOULD BE BROKEN, symbolized the very breaking that happened to Him, by breaking the symbolic bread and handing it to His disciples, signifying the sacrifice He was making for humanity--a sacrifice none of us deserved.

When I think about how broken our Savior was; when I stop to consider how little pain I am experiencing compared to the beating and suffering and death, "even death on a cross", he WILLINGLY took to save me--to save us--I can't justify complaining about any physical maladies or medical mysteries I may be facing.

Does this mean that I never complain? Absolutely not! Does this mean that I fully understand God's plan and timing and reason for allowing me to go through all of this? Definitely not.  I do get frustrated.  I do cry.  I do complain.  However, I've found that if I truly take my attention and focus it on the cross--the symbol of our Savior's devotion to the world and to saving the world and to being the sacrifice for our sins so we may have eternal life in heaven--my battles, even though they are significantly strong to me and hard to fight, pale in comparison to the pain, suffering, and marring beyond recognition Christ endured on the cross.

My human mind feels abandoned sometimes, but that's because I'm human and only have the mind of a human.  My human mind also yearns for things to happen when I want them to happen.  But I have to remind myself that my life isn't in my hands--it's in God's hands--and while it's frustrating, I recognize and acknowledge and hold true to the fact that I'm living on God's time, and the time that I am here on earth is only borrowed until the day I see my Savior face to face in paradise.  

I'd love to leave you with a song full of hope and affirmation.  We are not worthy, but Jesus thinks we are people worth dying for.

If we keep our eyes and minds and heart set on Jesus and the sacrifice he made for us, to SAVE us, we may indeed find the strength to leave our fears and worries and stressors and battles at the cross.

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